There was wind at least, but an
inconstant one, stirring a stray leaf into a moment’s feeble agitation. The
walk from the beach around the promontory usually infused Caroline with energy.
Today a sultry grey pressed down, cocooning her already woolly head. A plastic
bag that had been inflating and deflating like a large mouth enveloped her
plimsoll, which carried it into in the air, then, scuffed it along the path
with the next step. She rattled her foot up and down, but a puff of breeze held
the bag in place: a gelatinous jellyfish. With more force Caroline shook her
thin shoe from side to side. Still the plastic sheath clung on. She turned to
face the way she’d come. A definitive flick set the bag free, careening upward
into the air.
She was alone on the path, barring
a figure far ahead near the rocky outcrop. It was only ten on Saturday morning,
not surprising that so few people were out. She sighed and pushed forward, her
arms slack and swinging. Work at the museum had morphed into an unpleasant,
dreaded chore. Because of Jim. She
should leave, tell him where to go. Only six months earlier it had taken all
her courage to move out of her lover’s flat. Or should she call him her
‘controller’, tisking, as he handed her a tea towel; kitchen roll was costly
(lips pursed). She had found her own place, with a rent she could afford, only
just. The precarious economy bade her to stay with this museum post in order to
make ends meet. Her earnings didn’t offer the security of savings and how long
would it take to find something else?
But how long could she put up with Jim: megalomaniacal
photographer-cum-artist, who lorded it over the small staff and planned to
titillate the public with his awkward, disturbing output.
When she’d started the museum post
she’d been thrilled. She researched and wrote copy to catalogue the existing
collection. She revised archived histories, created new entries, and then
tweaked projects under guidance from the main curator, Mark. With what she was
learning and her academic background in Renaissance Art History, one day she
hoped to curate exhibitions herself.
Alas, Mark, her avuncular mentor, had recently sidled off on a two-year
sabbatical, leaving operations ‘in your capable hands’. Mark may have been certain of her competence
but Caroline herself has become less and less convinced of her interest or
perseverance. Once Jim cannonballed onto the scene two years seemed a very long
time.
As Resident Artist and Acting
Curator, Jim was putting together the current exhibition - with his own work,
of course, as the centerpiece. Caroline had flicked through his canvases while
they were still stacked against a museum wall. He had produced monochrome
negatives of car interiors just after a fatal accident, a tribute to Andy
Warhol, who had launched a tamer version along the same lines a few years
earlier. Whereas Warhol’s serigraphs focused on duplication of an image in his
trademark silkscreen technique, Jim had not left the negatives alone. He had subtly altered them, through
distortion or aberration in dark room processes, so that what was inside the
car was unclear: mangled bodies, corpses, even ghosts seemed to inhabit the
space, but you couldn’t be certain. Some shots were blown-up to double life
size, doubling Caroline’s discomfort as she pushed one print forward to see the
next. Because it was fuzzy, diffuse and reversed, white and black rather than
black and white, the image disoriented her perception. She imagined worse
things than the misshapen and distorted shapes portrayed - and her mind’s eye
ratcheted into overdrive - made hideous sense of hunched, perverted figures -
here, a maimed limb, there, a crushed face. She shuddered involuntarily,
experiencing a visceral revulsion. The macabre subject provoked the ‘how
horrible!’ reflex and the ambiguity of the images forced her to look longer.
Just what Jim wanted. A conflict arose between her curiosity to see more, to
understand what she was seeing, and not wanting to engage at all. That wretched
human propensity to gaze at death and gruesome gore - Jim was taking advantage
of morbid curiosity. She twisted her lips and began to walk away.
But suddenly, here was Jim, who had
seen her and come over to ‘escort’ her through his masterworks. He spoke of
regulating shutter speed and prolonging exposure while his fingers flicked
slowly, from canvas to canvas. Caroline looked at what was there, and hints of
what might be there began to coalesce into unbidden nightmare scenes. ‘Mmm’ was
the only comment she could muster in response to Jim’s commentary. Her stomach
curled and she pressed teeth together to hide her grimaces. In one negative
image scene the heads and limbs of two children were crumpled in unnatural
angles in the narrow trench between front and back seats. The boy’s black head
- crowned by a white halo of curls, white slits for eyes, white dots for
nostrils - was thrown too far back, in fear or whiplash. Next to him, a small
girl - sister? - was splayed like a discarded a rag doll, knee turned wrong way
round, so the toe was inches from her navel. Black face, white hair. A thin,
white curve uplit her chin, as if she’d been telling her brother a spook tale
with a torch, when suddenly, it came true.
Jim’s mobile whistled; he strode
over to the window, gesturing, in a pseudo-important manner, all panache and
pretense. Good, maybe he’d be on his way now. Caroline glanced back at the
children’s images. This is ‘art’, she thought, but is it good art? Was there an agreed definition? Modern art
had more to do with one’s mental engagement and response, less to do with the
aesthetic appreciation that conventional art encouraged. The goal of most modern art dictated that one
be original, at all costs. And how to achieve that originality? By purposely
breaking with the past, which had already inspired contemporary echoes - so
that was not good enough. The problem was that modern artists were trying so
hard to avoid the ‘been there, done that’ that they didn’t express their true
selves. What mattered was that something never before considered to be art
could be promoted as art. And that this artist would be hailed as a maverick,
who broke boundaries, challenged social and artistic conventions.
Jim had returned, pocketing his
phone. He smiled and flipped to the next canvas. Caroline took a step back. If
only her phone would ring so she could excuse herself.
‘See
that shattered windscreen? Like a
spider’s web. Makes a good backdrop,’ Jim nodded. In the vehicle’s dimly lit interior, dark
blobs looked like bundled prey. Caroline
produced an involuntary grunt when she realised that a shoulder blade was
protruding, diagonal to a sideways head, the mouth, a hollow white O.
‘I
go for the jugular - that’s what you’re supposed to feel.’ Jim had been
energized by her grunt. ‘Today’s
museum-goers have seen it all. So, yeah, there are a few shock value canvases
to crank up the effect - make’ em stare mortality in the face, ya know.’
Next weekend, his exhibit would go
on pubic display. Jim had crowed to museum staff that they should get friends
and relatives in straight away to avoid the queues. His self-generated brochure
flaunted the event, calling it a ‘chiaroscuro of black and white, commanding
visitors to pay attention: this is real.’ A restriction to black and white
conveyed the gravity of newspaper articles, reminded viewers of the grainy,
jerking film footage of Hitler’s goose-stepping troops on old newsreels, he
said. Caroline stood in the small group, wondering how Jim’s image of a grey
leg with black bone poking through puckered flesh could represent ‘real.’ His brochure suggested a different
idea concerning ‘real’; the uncertain nature of the scenes themselves meant
that ‘real’ depended on what each viewer saw:
the
artist’s focus on the negative of a photograph reverses natural order,
rendering lightest areas dark, darkest areas, light. The viewer is caught off
balance. And is further disconcerted by the blurry vagueness of the scenes. How
can he know what he is seeing?
‘A
negative image is, of course, a total inversion.’ Jim had reached the final
print now. His self-congratulatory tone implied that he might well be the
gifted protégée of Louis Daguerre. ‘Usually the photographic process darkens
the paper relative to the subject’s exposure to light. An enlarger would then
make a positive print, which puts light and dark in correct order by a second
reversal. I stop at the negative.’ He certainly did, Caroline had realised,
looking at her new boss.
Caroline shrugged off her thoughts
and walked further along the seaside promontory. At least she was not looking
at Jim’s canvases now. To her left, the bay was a frowzy, grey pane, wrinkling
and unwrinkling. Waves half rose in random directions, some gliding to the
shore, others sliding to the sea; cross currents, cancelled each other, making
choppy, uni-directional blips. Despite her intention to avoid the topic, she
couldn’t let go of it. She didn’t want to be associated with it. Friends and
colleagues came to the museum’s exhibits to support her. She proudly took them
on a tour, talking with intimate knowledge about the pieces on display. As the
one who’d catalogued them, she knew a great deal about their importance and
engaged listeners with her mix of history and quirky facts. But Jim’s exhibit
was one she didn’t want them to see, much less associate with her. His
exhibition encouraged voyeurism and reinforced the perverse interest humans
have in misfortunes of others. And
to ‘appreciate’ it, or any modern art,
you had to surrender your old concept of art - and the idea that it should
engender human warmth. Modern art can represent beauty and the darkness of
death. It doesn’t necessarily reward the viewer for the effort made to connect
to it, it shocks you with its cold, ugliness - it hints that this is how things
really are - or insists that you can’t know how things really are, but they are
bad.
Viewers would leave shaken and
uncomfortable, partly at what they’d seen, partly at their own unavoidable
reactions, their undeniable fascination for repellent images. And, if they were sensitive like she was,
they would carry images of these twisted scenes with them long afterward;
negatives of mutilated, bloodied, dead bodies that had stunned and sickened
them. There was the finality of death and worse, the ambiguity, which amplified
the contortions, through the viewer’s lens. Pure sensationalism. There was
nothing edifying in Jim’s work, no light or merriment, nor any
thought-provoking symbolism. You just wish you hadn’t seen it.
Jim, of course, would make money for
the museum and fame for himself. The negative energy was a little germ that he
knew how to plant and cultivate. Word would spread, the exhibition would be
written up in some newspaper, broadcast on the radio, develop a Google forum,
monopolise someone’s blogspot where followers would multiply. More viewers
would come. The germ would infiltrate more cells, which would colonize, create
a malignant tumour. The ugly phenomena would feed on itself and enlarge, week
by week. And all the time it would become more ‘exhibitionist’ than exhibition,
its audience, more voyeurs than viewers.
Caroline was half way along the
promontory now, near the rocky outcrop. The figure who she’d seen earlier was a
man, slope-shouldered, looking out to sea, hands in the pockets of a beige
raincoat, which flapped like a dangle of dirty clothes on his trouser legs. He
had seen her, she sensed. Sure enough, he turned as she neared and began to
pick his way around the boulders in her direction. She twisted her lips; if he
were a beggar he’d picked the wrong prey. She hadn’t even brought her purse;
surely he could see that. He was closing the distance between them. A dank
strand of his sparse hair rose, revealing a bald patch.
He stopped suddenly, opened his
raincoat. She froze, mouth open. He’d whisked aside the curtains of a sordid,
private theatre to reveal a fleshy penis, protruding between trousered legs
like a rigid, yellow eel. The tiny slit winked like a narrowed eye. He stood
there, a statue against the grey scrim, the occasional jerk of coat skirts like
the feathers of a bedraggled bird. She looked away and quickened her pace. In a
moment, she’d passed him, knowing that he had seen her unpreventable quiver of
revulsion. Her hands made tight fists. What was worse? That he’d exposed
himself, the shitty old man, or that she had been reeled in, had stared even,
in disgusted fascination at the rubbery branch that levered itself in her
direction. Nausea mixed with a sharp urge to scream. She could go back and
shove him off the promontory, watch him fall into the sea where a gulp of briny
water would bring him to his senses, if he didn’t hit his head on the rocks
first. She could report him to the beach
police, who would cart him off to jail so others could be spared his offensive
behavior; flashers could be sex offenders, their ‘funny’ shows evolving into
bestiality and rape. Didn’t they get off on indecent exposure, rather than on
the sexual act itself? She hurried on,
mouth in a flat line, thin soles slapping the concrete. Worse than the flashing
had been his gloating face - revealing a frisson of delight at the effect of
his unexpected surprise.
Caroline arrived home, unlocked the
front door and closed it behind her. She flung her keys onto the hall table.
She would replay the seascape scene again and again. It had unleashed a hot
anger. In the kitchen she poured water
into a glass and drank. She filled the glass halfway up and toasted the air.
Two years of Jim would be unbearable. Just as staring at ugly truths championed
by some modern artists would be. She would find a new post, one in Renaissance
art, one that would kindle warmth, connection, and life.
Lisa Robbins
I am a
published American and British author and an editor with work placed in the UK
and the US. Two stories were placed in Storgy Magazine in
2019, one of which made the long list for the Fish Publishing
prize, the other, now part of a published compilation.
I received an Honourable Mention in The New Writer for
another story and a London Writer of the Year Award for
yet another. I placed a two-part children’s story in Aquila
Magazine. I edit non-fiction for European scholarly publications and
fiction or The Literary Consultancy in London. I judge for the Bridport Short
Story and Novel competitions. http://www.robbinsskyward.com)
Glad you stayed away from the kinky stuff on this one. It was well balanced and made your point without the graphics.
ReplyDeleteon the contrary it's not kinky enough and its journal likes playing it safe. starting to get bored, actually.
ReplyDeleteto each her own but i prefer more think than kink in my reading. we got hollywood and cable to undress things.
ReplyDelete