She
remembered swimming when everything was easy, as a child.
It
was the thing that she had loved the most
The
feel of the water on her body had always been something special to her. She
missed it. She missed the happiness of it
The
hot weather that came with it. That called for it
That
took her out of school early when it was too scorching to bear and the schools
would surrender to the call of the big blue.
Before
the boys from school turn up as teenagers
And
her body changed, and the men turned their heads.
The
rules changed.
Before
the boys would taunt her the next day.
Nobody
ever told her that this would happen
That
the rules would change
That
monitoring would be required
She
didn’t want this body. That was neither fat nor thin.
She
didn’t want the other girls body either.
The
one they taunted for other reasons
Approving
reasons.
She
wanted to be a boy. For it to not matter what her body looked like when she
wanted to swim
Because
no matter what, this girls body, it seemed
Was
now only an object for the boys to judge
To
tease. To want. Or reject.
It
wasn’t hers anymore it seemed
It
was property of the patriarchy
Eventually,
the swimsuits she outwore
Were
thrown away.
And
never replaced.
Eventually
she forgot the excitement of the pool
And
the hunger for food she always had afterwards
But
she never forgot how much she loved it.
And
on this hot summers day, she sat there on the grass
Watching
the boys diving
And
she wished she was a child again.
Swimming.
N.E.Teeuw
N.E.
Teeuw is a writer, poet and occasional songstress, who grew up in Melbourne,
Australia. A writer of short stories, poetry and prose she has recently
completed her first book titled One Hundred Valentines, which is a beautiful collaboration
of poetry, painting and prose and a story of love, loss, sensuality,
self-discovery and ultimately, self-love.
Tags:
Poetry